Confidence is a much admired quality
Self Confidence - easily seen by others, it is a radiance that just beams out those who have it and like a magnet, it draws others to them. As a much-admired quality, how does one gain (or re-gain) it?
The truth is self-confidence is both a quality and a skill. It can be learned.
Life can have its share of hard knocks, challenges and disappointments. Even high profile superstars, athletes and business people have moments where they face a lack of belief in themselves. The wonderful thing about self-confidence is that it is a skill therefore it can be learned, developed and with practice - mastered.
Here are some useful tips help even the most doubtful among you, begin to increase your self-confidence.
1. Make a List
Before you can make changes, begin by making a list of the thoughts that may be holding you back. Include the past situations and experiences where you feel things have gone wrong. As you write this list, look for similarities to gain insights. These events can will reveal common patterns in thoughts. You can gain understanding as to what thoughts, beliefs and actions are holding you back. If you feel things in a certain area of your life have ‘gone wrong’ often enough, it becomes a belief where you now assume that thing will always follow the same pattern. That simply isn’t the case.
For example: If in the past, you didn’t receive a promotion you thought you had earned, it doesn’t necessarily reflect on your value within the company. Behind the scenes, there could be many reasons a company chooses another candidate - including the possibility that another role is coming up that the company believes you would be perfect for. Just because there has been a disappointment, doesn’t mean that experience will dictate your future.
Part of increasing your confidence is learning to step back and see the ‘bigger picture.’
Try this Discovery Exercise:
Imagine a recent event where a problem or conflict occurred. Imagine the parties involved - not a people, but as countries. And you are the official UN Observer. Look at the positions of each country, their issues, needs and behaviors. Step into each position, to gain better understanding.
Why do the Discover Exercise? Those who lack self-confidence can be in the habit of being over-responsible. When things don’t work out, they place it squarely on their shoulders and see it as personal failure. Since many problems in life are more intricate, with as many moving parts as there are people involved, how can one person be held fully responsible for all actions and reactions of others?
Regina Brett once said, “What others think of you is actually none of your business.” When you rely on the ever-changing opinions of others in hopes of gaining acceptance, you become a passenger riding the emotional rollercoaster. It is tiring, and the ride won’t end, it can’t end - until you decide to get off. To empower yourself is to realize that no one can make their life choices based on another person’s likes or dislikes. When you become less concerned with what others think of you and concern yourself with creating a life that interests you; that makes you happy, you are embracing yourself for who you truly are -and that builds confidence.
2. Practicing Forgiveness
Forgiveness is one of the more misunderstood concepts of self-healing. Some think that if they forgive someone, they are somehow agreeing with what happened or saying what happened was right. This is not what is meant by forgiveness. Forgiveness is a letting go and is meant to help the person who has been hurt; not condone another’s behavior. For as long as you carry hurt, anger, resentment and other feelings towards another, you are actually are emotionally linking yourself to the very person who has hurt you. Forgiveness then, is an act of freedom and personal victory. It is about breaking the link and releasing one’s self from anger and other feelings so you can move forward in your life.
Forgiveness is a conscious decision. If someone has hurt you and caused a huge knock in your confidence, it isn’t an easy decision. But forgiveness isn’t one instantaneous event; but a process. Please be patient and give yourself time to heal before genuinely forgiving others.
Forgiveness prioritizes your happiness and increases your ability to be compassionate towards yourself as well as others. People will continue to do and say thoughtless and hurtful things. Practicing forgiveness is a powerful tool to keep you from being stuck in pain and suffering. It also is a tool of resilience. It helps you recognize and rise above those who are trying to bring you down.
3. Cultivate Kindness
Sometimes, our self-talk - the way we speak to ourselves is far worse than how we’d treat others. We can hold ourselves to the fire and be nasty towards ourselves in a way that would be completely unacceptable to others. If you’re someone who does this – telling yourself you’re not good enough or not smart enough – how can you expect to have confidence?
Making caring observations about yourself, recognizing your achievements is not being self-centered nor is it an indulgence. It is an act of kindness and self-love. It is also a necessity because it promotes wellness. Your thoughts impact your emotions and your physical and mental health. Until it becomes habit, place sticky notes on mirrors, doors, and in your car - reminding you of the special person you truly are.
4. Develop Awareness & Focus
Sometimes those who struggle with self-confidence are misusing their gift of focus. Their mind is like the internet streaming negative thought after negative thought about themselves, their life, relationships etc. If you are doing this, you are actually using your mind as a weapon against yourself. So how do you get yourself out of this self-destructive pattern? The tool I recommend for this is to practice some form of Mindful Meditation. I personally teach a powerful mind technique that will change your life, when practiced 5 minutes a day.
5. Releasing from Outcome
A powerful way to enhance any experience is to release from outcome. What I mean by this is that when you have set your goals, and broken down the steps, you trust in the process and let the outcome unfold organically. Why? Because if you find yourself holding certain expectation, it’s like grabbing that outcome and holding it too tightly. Not only does that require a lot of energy, it also brings about a lot of pressure and strain. Fear is also present and the decisions made in fear, are not likely to be as beneficial. Releasing from outcome helps us to move into a more responsive mode, where you can calmly make decisions; where you can be more resourceful and creative in your solutions.
6. Expanding your Boundaries
Change is a part of life. You are not the same person you were at 5 years of age, than at 15 or 25 or 55. You were born to grow and change, to expand and move beyond. Sometimes certain experiences have created limiting beliefs that have created fear. However fear is the very signal that growth is nearly upon you - if you’ll only take the leap! Whatever area you find fear, is the very area where self-confidence can be mined. As you push through and challenge yourself, you’ll find new strengths, skills and abilities to bring new growth and opportunity.
How can a professional coach help you with Self-Confidence?
A coach is professionally trained to help you identify your core beliefs and issues by asking powerful questions so you can make key discoveries about yourself. As issues are uncovered, a professional coach helps you uncover strategies so they can be resolved. We help accelerate your development and encourage you to take bigger, bolder steps.
As a coach I offer a blend of strategies, simple exercises, and useful tools so that you begin receiving benefits starting at Session 1. I do my utmost to give the most complete and comprehensive program so that you can move through as quickly as possible. The skills you learn in the session work can be re-applied in many life areas thus multiplying the value of our time together.
What else can be achieved through Coaching?
Susan Turner is known for her passion for helping others. She is a deep listener and skilled, compassionate professional. In addition to Coaching, you have the flexibility to access Hypnotherapy and Heart Resonance, as part of your session work, if you wish. Susan also offers a variety of workshops to increase happiness, enhance relationships and empower others. Susan teaches Hypnotherapy at Coastal Academy of Hypnotic Arts & Science and is a contributing author to Roy Hunter’s new international #1 best-selling book, ‘The Art of Spiritual Hypnosis.’